Glad to be on our side right now…
SIMI VALLEY – In independent moves Presidential candidates John McCain and Mitt Romney surprised supporters by dropping out of the race for the Republican nomination tonight. Their announcements closely followed the conclusion of the debate between Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
“I watched the debate and I realized there’s just no hope” Senator McCain told a crowd of tens of supporters in a bowling alley this evening. “I was in Vietnam, I might have mentioned that, and I’ll tell you my dear friends that I’d rather be back in the Hanoi Hilton than on stage debating either of those two. My friends, it made me tired just watching them. I’ve been shot down once in my life, I don’t want to go through it again.”
Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts, did not appear in public but released a statement in which he said “Yes, I was running before and now I’m not. I changed my mind, okay? It happens. Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, you think I want to run against one of them?”
The sudden withdrawal leaves former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee as the putative Republican front runner. Reached by phone with the news this evening Governor Huckabee said “Probably for the first time in my life I have to say I really don’t have a prayer”.
The other remaining Republican candidate, Congressman Ron Paul, was traveling on another planet and could not be reached for comment.
Had to be Mars. It’s everywhere tonight.