— Ralph Salmins (@ralphsalmins) March 28, 2015
The too-big-to-fail banks think they’re going to teach Professor Elizabeth Warren and the rest of her progressive rebel scum a lesson about saying mean things about them. As we just learned, the heads of the five families dick-swingers from Citigroup, JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs, and Bank of America have been talking amongst themselves about how to get Warren to pipe down with all her talk about how corrupt they are and how they caused the financial crisis in 2008 that almost broke the country. Their bright ideas include withholding $15,000 per bank in “campaign donations to Senate Democrats in symbolic protest,” or possibly leaving a horse’s head in Sen. Warren’s bed.
Like a typical liberal, Sen. Warren has responded with a blog post:
“In 2008, the financial sector collapsed and nearly brought down our whole economy. What were the ingredients behind that crash? Recklessness on Wall Street and a willingness in Washington to play along with whatever the big banks wanted.
Years have passed since the crisis and the bailout, but the big banks still swagger around town. And when Citigroup and the others don’t quite get their way or Washington doesn’t feel quite cozy enough, they quickly move to loud, public threats. Their latest move is a stunner.”
Warren then says that because the banks have now made it clear to her that they do NOT appreciate her tough talk, she will cease and desist immediately. Ha, just kidding!
“The biggest banks on Wall Street have made it clear that they expect a return on their investment in Washington. Forget making the markets safer (where they can still make plenty of money) and forget the $700 billion taxpayer bailout that saved them and forget the need to build a strong economy for all Americans. Forget it all. The big banks want a Washington that works only for them and that puts their interests first – and they would like to get a little public fanny-kissing for their money too.
Well forget it. They can threaten or bully or say whatever they want, but we aren’t going to change our game plan.”
And then, just to make it extra clear for the poor butthurt bankers:
“I’m not going to stop talking about the unprecedented grasp that Citigroup has on our government’s economic policymaking apparatus. I’m not going to stop talking about the settlement agreements that JPMorgan makes with our Justice Department that are so weak, the bank celebrates by giving their executives a raise. And I’m not going to pretend the work of financial reform is done, when the so-called “too big to fail” banks are even bigger now than they were in 2008.”
Guess she’s not going to soften her tone after all. Your move, Wall Street.
She. Is. Awesome.
Found this. This was a tape I played over and over while I was living in a van in Senrab’s back yard, part of the collection he sent me. Max, do you know WTF this is? Is this Banner or what?
Brickishly Soulful, if it is.
Grievances. Otar Headup MackReal here, zinging the zarathrusta, banging the bang wick.
Nobody was speekin, so I concluded ‘Fucking Post!’
Randomeers, away! I got a facebook friend request from a human I have not seen in over forty fucking years. She was in my class at Dhahran Academy, beat me in the election for fourth-grade treasurer, made me get up every morning at 4AM to put my schoolbag in line at the bus stop so that I could grab the cool back seat, the one where if you held on to the bars when the bus went over the dune you could find your feet touching the ceiling. Yes, that really happened. And she always wanted that seat, dammit. So we competed.
Later we became great friends. Summer on the Red Sea with snorkeling, walking the streets of the South Compound like a little gang looking for trouble armed with actual fucking scimitars, and a few other illicit activities.
So I had to write down my whole fucking life story for her. And when I read it over, it made me realize how fucking wild the journey has been, or fucking boring if you’re a fourteenth century citizen of Florence.
Yeah, NON SEQUITURIAN, baby. I is reading a boke called ‘The Ugly Renaissance’, a really fun tome detailing all of the horrors that occurred during the ‘enlightenment’ of humanity as it rose out of the horrible DARK ages. A lot of detailed descriptions of the qualities of the excreta that one dodged in the street everyday in one’s tight-fitting sixty-years-without-a-bath hose (mmm!) and pointy little shoes with the toes tied up. The One Percenters of the day were doing the same awful fucking things they are doing RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU KOCH BROTHERS, MAY THE SPIRIT OF SPOCK GIT YOU WITH THE VULCAN DEATH GRIP.
PS: There is no Vulcan Death Grip. It’s fucking fake. And if you were a true Trekkie you’d know that, unless you’re one of the potsmoker Trekkies who kinda remember everything once they see it again.
Okay, toodles, off to write the number two novel, Mechanical Man. 1380, mon. Fucking WILD. WEIRD. THOSE FUCKERS WERE HOMICIDAL DIRT MURDERERS. Did you know that most of your ancestors were rapist serial killers? It’s true! ™
And here’s what we all look like in the future!
Known and possible liquid water oceans in our solar system. pic.twitter.com/AV3d1cFLxi
— Science (@ScienceAllDay) March 15, 2015
Seriously, how the hell do billions of people believe this? pic.twitter.com/HDkq8Pv7xZ
— Atheist Republic (@AtheistRepublic) March 14, 2015
Thank you for your letter of March 9 explaining your system of government. We were unfamiliar with the complexity of your laws. For three years we have been negotiating a nuclear energy agreement with your president. We now realize our mistake. As your letter makes clear, the authority to establish such agreements on behalf of your country rests with your Congress.
We are in your debt for this clarification. Moreover, your letter has prompted us to undertake a broader study of the American political system. What we have learned has opened our eyes. For 35 years, we have treated you as an adversary. Our intelligence agencies told us that your culture and your political system were radically different from ours. We now understand that we were misled. Your country is much like ours. Indeed, your Republican Congress is much like our revolutionary Islamic councils. We are brothers.
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